Nothing in our culture, not even home computers, is more overrated than the epidermal felicity of two featherless bipeds in desperate congress. - Quentin Crisp
Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level. - Quentin Crisp
To know all is not to forgive all. It is to despise everybody. - Quentin Crisp
One should always be wary of anyone who promises that their love will last longer than a weekend. - Quentin Crisp
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, "Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?" - Quentin Crisp
Fashion is for people who don't know who they are. - Quentin Crisp
Life was a funny thing that occured on the way to the grave. - Quentin Crisp
Flowers are words even a baby can understand. - Quentin Crisp
Health consists of having the same diseases as one's neighbors. - Quentin Crisp
Is not the whole world a vast house of assignation to which the filing system has been lost? - Quentin Crisp
For flavor, instant sex will never supercede the stuff you have to peel and cook. - Quentin Crisp
The English think incompetence is the same thing as sincerity. - Quentin Crisp
Treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster. - Quentin Crisp
Decency...must be an even more exhausting state to maintain than its opposite. Those who succeed seem to need a stupefying amount of sleep. - Quentin Crisp
Even holligans marry, though they know that marriage is but for a little while. It is alimony that is forever. - Quentin Crisp
The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we have of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us. - Quentin Crisp
There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse. - Quentin Crisp
Without an element of vulgarity, no man can be a work of art...I have to try and think what an artist is, apart from a hooligan who cannot live within his income of praise. - Quentin Crisp
If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style. - Quentin Crisp
The continued propinquity of another human being cramps the style after a time unless that person is somebody you think you love. Then the burden becomes intolerable at once. - Quentin Crisp
My mother protected me from the world and my father threatened me with it. - Quentin Crisp
The young always have the same problem - how to rebel and conform at the same time. They have now solved this by defying their parents and copying one another. - Quentin Crisp
The British do not expect happiness. I had the impression, all the time that I lived there, that they do not want to be happy; they want to be right. - Quentin Crisp
I am unable to believe in a God susceptible to prayer. I simply haven't the nerve to imagine a being, a force, a cause which keeps the planets revolving in their orbits, and then suddenly stops in order to give me a bicycle with three speeds. - Quentin Crisp